I'd like to say sorry for taking such long time to concieve this. I had to resolve personal issues. Thanks to my friends for some of the questions. Here it goes now. Random questions. Gawd. This is a bit funny. Hehehe.
(Interviewer Alter-ego): Ehem... Uhm, so, how are you now Niko Angelo?
(Niko Angelo): I'm doin great! I've recovered from all that bad stress that I've been. I've never felt this happy and contented with myself. School is keeping me busy.
IAE: Kewlness. School.
NA: C'mon man, like it's school! School's cool! Hahaha! (Gawd, i'm such a nerd.) Nah, I just like learning. I miss homeworks, recitations, exams, quizzes, eyeing cuties, bitchy classmates.
IAE: I see. so, do you have friends at school? Do you get to spend most of your time with them?
NA: Yeah, I got friends at school. But, I don't really get to spend much time with them. I mean, we have our own classes and other businesses to attend to. I'm a loner really. I'd rather spend time being alone. Though, I love spending time with my friends. talking with them over coffee, eat lunch or dine together, go to parties whenever we're free.
IAE: Loner eh? How so?
NA: Yeah, because by being alone, I can have more time to think and contemplate on the things that involves me and those around me. I think all the time I guess... I like silence at times. I like observing at things. I always have a "date" with myself - I've learned that from my professor. Hehe.
IAE: Hmm. Kewl. So, what are your other interests?
NA: I have a lot actually. Hmm... I'm into arts generally. Like architecture, literature (reading and writing), film, photography, music (singing to my own tune), dance. I do sketching, painting, and now dabbling into graphic arts. I like gardening, i'm into experimenting on cooking too, oh and i'm a bit of an internet junkie (yeah, just a bit.)...
IAE: By the way, you said that you like being alone, right?
NA: Right, yeah. But not really all the time.
IAE: Oh, okay. So, what about partners? Significant other? Boyfriend? Do you have one?
NA: Oh. Oh. Nah, I don't have one now. And I'm not rushing myself to find one. It's really hard to find someone who'd you spend time with, whom you'd share love with. It is hard to find really decent guys who would treat you well. So, it's giving me a bit of a hard time to choose who I'd want to be with. I do date frequently though, and I enjoy their company. We talk, get to know each other more. We watch movies, we eat, walk, talk more, coffee, talk more.
IAE: Name childhood habits that you never outgrew. (from southdude)
NA: Gawd. Hmm... I still tie my shoes in the same manner that i've tied them when I was a kid. Hmm... I still make mano to my parents when I leave the house. I still keep my pairs of shoes and slippers in order. I still have this certain partition in my closet - which clothes to wear for whatever. I still keep this notebook and sketchpad beside my bed. I sleep with my radio on. I always check the door locks 3 times before i finally leave the house. I'm fond of counting on fives.
IAE: I see. And, What do you think of relationships?
NA: What do I think of relationships? It's more than just sex and getting laid, of course. (chuckles) But seriously, all relationships should be of course mutual. And it has to have trust - one of the foundations of a real working relationship. It is a mutual agreement between two hearts and minds. I believe that, all love that would concern a relationship should be both conditional and unconditional. It is not to be bounded by distrust and doubts. Now, what do i think of gay relationships? I think that it would work, contrary to what most senior gay men have told me, assuming that you have the elements that is found in a real working relationship. Connection and communication is one of the important things in a relationship. Though we shouldn't always look at the bright side of whatever we have. We should also see through the difficulties that may come our way - think of it as a test of endurance between you two, and hand in hand through the storm you're gonna make it together.
IAE: Have you ever felt jaded with love or being in love?
NA: Yes, I have been through that over and over again. Every now and then, there comes this certain feeling of being tired of dating, meeting up with assholes (from which I have decided to sort of filter stupid, insensitive men), breaking hearts, broken hearts, making out, having casual sex. Because I was afraid of wallowing in my own misery after all those that have happened. I was wrong, experiencing all that has made me much stronger and wiser. I have learned so much from all the heartaches and pains that came my way. That all relationships would not always be how we dreamt or wanted it to be, that there are no perfect relationships. Some relationships end because we have to make sacrifices, and these choices aren't made instantly, we are doing it for the betterment of both persons involved. And that we wouldn't really want to hurt people by these pains. Oh, I don't know. I thought that I had given up on love before. Yet now here I am again, trying to make a fool out of myself with love. I don't know. Maybe that's the mystery of love, that there is something about it that makes you yearn for more. It somewhat empowers you to be a better lover than the past relationships that you have had. Now, I am taking risks once again, to find that almost near to perfection partner-to-be. Yes, I have indeed learned to take risks on people who are worth everything. It is the game of love, the unending need and capacity of humans to love and be loved.
IAE: If you found someone whom you knew is the one, but you're in a long-term relationship with someone else, would you love that person? yes/no, why? (from Paolo)
NA: Well, it really depends upon the situation. If that 'long-term relationship' is on the rocks, and conflicts would not end to further resolve - such as arguments between you two. Then I think that it would be time to let that person go. If I am not happy with my partner anymore, and he refuses to find ways to make me happy, then I'd say that I would probably take the risk on being with the "one", since he would probably have bigger chances of fulfilling the insufficiencies of the former partner. Knowing that I'd end up being more happy with him than the former then I'd prefer to be with the "one".
In the other hand, if I would struggle to keep that relationship with the present partner, then I'd just have that "one" as a close friend - bounded by the limitations and stands between lovers and friends. But if I refuse to keep the "one" and decided to just forget about him, then I'd do so. Because, if he really is the "one", then he'd still come back for me someday.
IAE: What is sex for you? How important is it?
NA: Sex, is one of the numerous expressions of love for someone. I consider sex sacred. For me, sex is a union between two souls, mind and heart - an integral part of a relationship. It sends us to a state of euphoria, it is heaven on earth. And by doing it with someone I truly love would make our partnership stronger - by satisfying his sexual desires, and by giving him more than just gratification. It's like you're giving him the utmost importance by giving yourself to him, and him to you. It is not just intercourse, it is an exchange of selves - it is an offering towards partners. But it shouldn't be the center of the relationship from which you two revolve, though it is an integral part of it. It is important because it is one of the bond that keeps couples together. Sex transcends a relationship in a way that it suffices each others sexual needs.
IAE: Does anybody know that you're gay?
NA: Well, my closest of friends know about me. They're really understanding about my sexuality. My family on the other hand, they kinda have this idea about me, since I haven't outed myself to them yet. Well because, I kind of have this feeling that they are not yet ready to accept me for who I really am. Though they already have an idea, they are sort of in denial about it. I'll tell them when I think that they are ready.
IAE: How did you found out that you were gay?
NA: I actually knew when I was just a child, that I was different from other (well, heterosexual) children. I knew that I was someone else, that I was somewhat special (special child?). But I still denied that fact and carried it through highschool when I tried to have relationship with girls. Until I stepped into college and learned more about homosexuality.
IAE: Do you really believe in bisexuality as a gender/sexual preference?
NA: Before, when I first learned about this, I thought I was one of what you would call as a bisexual, though, I realized now that it was just a phase for me. I believe that it is a sexual preference, but, it is just temporary. They either have to choose to go gay or be straight thereafter, but I think that they have a bigger probability of turning gay anyway. Oh, but I don't have anything against bisexuals eh, I respect them for who they are.
IAE: How did you manage to live such alternative lifestyle?
NA: Ever since my self-acceptance and end of my so-called "bisexuality phase", I thought all the while that being homosexual is just about sex (getting laid, meeting boys, having this shit and that shit), but it really is not about that at all. Promiscuity plays a role, but we should learn how to control and contain our urges and desires. There is a right time for everything. I post that as a challenge to my dear brothers and sisters; that there is more to life than just sex. I was welcomed at this homosexual world and got introduced to it in a wrong way. So what I did was to read, to talk to other gay men, and basically researching about who I really am.
I have learned so much with how I live this lifestyle, I had been enlightened, and still am continuing to learn each and everyday of my gay life. And I'm telling you, being gay has made me more human.
IAE: What is beauty for you? How would you define it?
NA: We, being the superficial and shallow beings as we can be sometimes, we tend to neglect real beauty. Most people would just judge other people with how they look physically. But this really isn't how we should see beauty. Real aesthetics goes beyond what we see at the facade. Truly, it is skin deep - and this has been my view of it for the longest time. Beauty is like an inner light/glow exuded by people. Real beauty is to be seen within the profundity of our being. It is both our character and our mind that makes us beautiful.
IAE: What do you like in a man?
NA: This isn't some 'set of standards' okay?
What I like in a man is that, when he cares so much about me. I really like it when a man is sensible enough - with the way he talks with me. I like men who thinks maturely, someone who acts maturely too. Someone who talks with sense, reasonable, someone who can handle a conversation. Someone who is comfortable with his sexuality. Optimistic men, I like them too - someone who can encourage you or enlighten you in times of difficulties and all that shitty stuff. I'm mushy, so I like guys who are sweet. As long as we keep this horizontal relationship between us, then that would be fine. Erk, I don't really want to elaborate much on what I like on a man, because each man varies. They all have different characters and personalities.
IAE: How do you see yourself 5 years from now?
NA: Hmm... Pro'lly have a stable job that is related to my course. Living pseudo independently. Still yearning for knowledge, so I'd prolly be studying for masters, or interior design, or multimedia arts, or photography. I like studying. I never wanna stop learning. And pro'lly work my ass off as I study. Haha.
