Wet Christmas

I don’t know if you’ve enjoyed your holidays, but mine was absolutely wet. Don’t get me wrong here, I enjoyed my Christmas day but, I never did expect my Christmas day to be like that – wet. though i really enjoy the chilly air that has been hurling around the town all day (no, make that all month long).

It was freezing up here at Tagaytay, I woke up really late – too late that I’ve missed most of the children that has been asking for “pamasko”. I love this weather when it’s all chilly and cold, longing for someone’s tight warm embraces; but all I’ve got is a hot mug of coco,  sweater and some blankets (layers of it). It just seems so not fitting for the jolly, warm and fuzzy Christmas atmosphere. It is odd enough that I’ve spent my whole day sulking and watching Christmas marathon movies, and not go to my relatives to greet them a happy Christmas. Though, I did went to my aunt’s house to visit and socialize, and yeah, to see my first niece too. She’s adorable, she looks like my cousin Abby.

Speaking of my first niece, I didn’t expect, uh, I didn’t know that I have already got a godchild! I’ve absolutely forgotten about him! Oh, poor child, but I did give him some cash though. Him and his mother went here at home. I was so shocked when I saw him and his mother. I was so shy to approach them, really! Gawd, you just have no idea how burdening it is for me to have been missed the responsibilities of a good godparent. It is because I didn’t know! I thought that all of that god parenting thingy was a joke when my dad substituted for me during his baptism. I thought that it was my dad who is that godfather of that child but, it turned out that it was really me who is the godfather.

Jeez. I’m becoming insensitive. I’ve gone cold. I’m becoming the Grinch!

Oh the weather outside… It’s freezing, don’t bother to ask if I get all nippy here, yeah I do. I’m frozen here forever, I’m just waiting until the resuming of class in January, but until then, my mind and my body would remain as docile as the weather. Shoot! I’ve just remembered, I still have to do that script! Darn…

Great, this is just the greatest Christmas vacation, EVER!

del.icio.us Tags: Christmas2008

The Need To Be Alone

They say that no man is an island, but I say that a man should at least know how to be alone.

A man should at least know how to separate himself from the world that he has been used to, perhaps to spend time alone - to think of himself, his problems and its resolutions, and on how he affects other people through his influence. A man needs to isolate himself from time to time, to concentrate.

As with what general psychology says, we need to be alone sometimes, and with his time being alone he can do introspection -  a reflection of himself.

We all have friends to accompany us with our everyday life, but it is once that we ask for time for ourselves. Our friends should understand that we need to separate ourselves from them too, and this is a mature and healthy act of assessing one's social interaction with the environment that he has been living in. This would mean having and reassessing one's judgements towards other people, setting aside the views and opinions of friends. After coming to a realization towards something, we should then meet halfway with our friend's point of views. Our independent decisions are beneficial for our relationships with the people around us; having time to think about our issues with our peers, our relationship with our parents, our work or academic behavior and attitude, our relationship with our significant other - these are some of the things that we need to spend time with ourselves. We need reflection. Our judgements should not be hurried, we should give time for ourselves to think and decide.

I have been experiencing a dilemma. I have long been wanting to spend time with myself, to think and to muse about the things that have been going on with my life, with my relationships with my peers, my relationship with my parents and my relationship with myself.

I wanted to distance myself from my friends because I need to set my own opinion on the issues that have been going on with us, with other people. For once, I just wanted to think of myself. I didn't mean to be selfish or anything and I don't hate them either, I just need to have a break from them. I have been spending so much time being with them that I felt like being dazed with my own judgments and depend on how they would act, and I know that this is turning out to be unhealthy.

I wanted to fix my relationship with my parents too, they can't understand my hardships at school anymore. They always question me why I always come home late. The availability of my major subjects are only during the evening. I want to talk to them, I'm just setting myself to be in confrontation with them.

I am losing myself lately. I feel numb. I am void of emotions. No, I'm not really losing my emotions lately, it's just that I feel like not showing my emotions towards issues. I pity myself whenever my boyfriend and I talk about our relationship, whenever we have problems to resolve - it just seems that I am not showing my exact emotion for that situation, but I do have the empathy to understand my boyfriend and whatever situation that we have for that very moment. I am just not myself anymore.

I have lost myself from the rush of things during the previous activity that we have from our major subject last semester. So many things have passed and so many things have happened that I have lost track of everything - and that includes myself.

I haven't spent any time with myself lately. I have been used to being solo - with being solitary before I met my friends, just like how my boyfriend before. That is why I understand what he means that he wants to go solo again -  to spend time with himself and his need to be alone.

This time, I would pause and think of the things that have been going on around me. I need time to be alone.

speak up

we. by all means, should learn how to speak up.
we should be able to tell people how we feel towards something that we believe in. we must tell them, with conviction, how we view things. we should learn how to express ourselves - our opinions, our views, our sentiments. we shouldn't keep ourselves from telling them what we think. we are all entitled after all of freedom of speech. we should delimit ourselves from just agreeing with what other people think. we should have our own point-of-view. we should have a certain involvement towards something, no matter how big or how small an issue it is. after all, we cannot just keep our mouths shut all the time and just nod with everything that others say.
but whatever it is that we say, we must stand for it.

to YOU, i am waiting for your defense toward this horrid incident that we got both entangled in. i cannot just ignore you forever. please do speak up, and do not just blame me for causing you that burden, because, it was you who caused that in the first place. i need to hear from you. it is very bias if i and only i would defend anything.

i am just the bitter-est person you have ever read. cheers.