Safe

beep...
my mobile beeped, 1 missed call...
i immediately checked to see who it was...
unknown number.
so i sent a message to that number asking who he is...

it started last weekend...

i thought that i was contented with my "single-blessedness" state at that time... until this guy came.

he and my ex are somewhat connected because of work. he and some of his friends (with the ex) i suppose got together the other day and my ex gave him my number.
we started talking, knowin a bit from each other, laughing at the things regarding my ex. he then told me that his intentions for me are clean, and that he's serious when he says so. i really appreciated all of the things that he said. he made me smile... he made my heart smile.

i wasn't really closing my doors to anybody at that time when i was wallowing in my "single-blessedness" state, i was just lamenting on my loneliness and being so hopelessly occupied by the thought that i'd have no lover to take me seriously for now... until this guy came.

then he told me that he thinks that a relationship isn't what i needed right now.

what? how can he say that? maybe he just doesn't know how i really feel and what i think about relationships.
now he's having second thoughts on me, just because i told him that i usually am the one to leave a relationship once i realized that its failing. i mean, why would he be worried about it if he really meant that he is sincere with me and that his intentions with me are clean... why would he be worried? and why did he tell me that a relationship isn't what i needed now.

love is all i need... true love.

i'm ready to risk everything for anybody that i truly love...

and i'm really really falling for that guy...

he met with his "ex" the other day. he said that he was going to settle what they had, since they didn't have that sort of closure...

i just hope that what he did with his "ex" was just transitional.

i'm tired of being alone. i'm tired of hoping for that 'perfect' guy. i'm tired of being played.
i'm tired of having puffy eyes from all my hurts and sorrows.

i just hope that you're the one that i've been waiting for.

but for now... my emotions are exquisitely devastated.

...
now my emotions are truly, exquisitely devastated.

i think he just got reunited with his ex boyfriend whom he said he didn't like.
i just don't know what to do now.

i'm thinking of not considering any relationships anymore. i'm going to try to stay single for the rest of my life.

i dunno what hit me a while ago, while i was passing the central terminal at lawton, this thought came over my head... what can i benefit from a relationship anyway? well besides having that stable relationship... i can't think of anything beneficial that i can get from a relationship now that i'm losing hope of having a serious relationship anyway. i'd be cold for eternity, i'd be frozen, i'd be the ice king, roit. but i'll definitely not become a 'bedhopper' again. man i hate using other people.

from now on. no more relationships. no more boyfriends. no more emotional attachments. no more tears. no more breakups. no more... no more... i'd be numb.

so help me God...

(i want you by madonna on video) thanks to otoi