and the reason is you

I believe in the thing called love but, I know that love is just a feeling. Clearly - this is how "The Darkness" inspired me to conceive this thought. I was in love. I thought that I had completely forgotten the things associated with my emotional past. I thought I've already forgotten these "things" with this person. But I wasn't, not totally. I've still got bits and pieces of that person remaining in my heart. And come to think of it, we were just treating each other as friends. How could I fall for this person so deep? I know that there are reasons - reasons for the cause of the spark that I felt when I knew this person for the first time. I'm still in love - The spark - oh what a great feeling it is to feel such thing. I felt like floating on air, I was light as a feather. And there too at my stomach, flew butterflies. God, how could I feel this way towards this person? Is this person "the one"? I was so nervous and so out-of-myself at that time. I was with my dream lover. How I wish it was this person - how I wish this person is the one - the one meant for me. We agreed to meet in a bookstore at the mall near our schools. 12:30 was the time we agreed on. Told me to meet inside the bookstore, near the computer books – beside the elementary books. I came in manila at around 10:30, so I waited in a coffee house in Intramuros until it struck 11:30. Sipping some frappucino, I organized my thoughts. I thought of things to talk about when we meet. I was really excited and nervous at the same time – such a really kooky feeling, for it was the first time that I’m gonna meet my chat friend. I walked going to the mall, hoping that everything’s gonna be good and everything’s gonna turn out fine. I went there at the bookstore, hiding in the psychology section bookshelf – for it was a perfect spot to see my friend coming in. I hid there for some time. And as the clock struck 12:30, there came a guy. Propped in black polo, jeans, and black leather shoes. Dang! It was the person that I’m gonna meet… I know everything had turned out fine. Just as it was supposed to be. I walked to the other shelf and waited for his call… my phone’s flashing… it’s him, it’s really him. So I went up to him and said, “hi, so are you the one I’m supposed to meet?” He replied and confirmed that it was him. God. Sparks… then came the sparks! We talked and conversed as we walk to a fast food resto. We both hadn’t had lunch yet. We ate burgers. I still have the receipt with me until now, I kept it as a remembrance. We got acquainted and we somehow clicked. (I think so…) We talked and got really acquainted. We almost knew each other wholly. I really had fun when I was with you. Butterflies and sparks flew. I wish we watched a movie together. I admit, I am really a boring person to hang with. I was so happy at that time. You’ve got me smitten. Could I say, “you had me at hello.” You thanked me and told me that you had a great time with me (I really hope you did). You even told me to be not hesitant in approaching you, if ever I have problems. You even told me to treat you as my own friend – you thought that we’d be good buddies. I know we’d be, it made me oh so happy. I was transferring to another school. I haven’t decided on where to transfer yet. Any fine architectural college would do. I searched… and found that the school that you’re on had architecture. I found hope… It was you who inspired me to choose your school to transfer at. IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. I hoped that we would be closer if we went to the same school, see each other everyday and be much more of friends could ever be. Just as I thought… I was inviting you to watch this cheering competition at a university. You turned it down because you had a general assembly with your organization and you’re with someone else. This ‘someone else’ has been mentioned before. I thought that this person was just a close friend of yours. I wish I never had asked you who this ‘someone’ is. It turned out that this ‘someone’ was your significant other. My world crumbled. My heart crushed. My hope is gone… I just accepted these things, as it was, as it is. But still I was hurt. I confessed my feelings for you. You told me to be cool and be thankful that we were friends. I did. Should I still wait for my chance to be with you? And with this feeling, this depressing feeling – I had Bob Marley’s song ‘waiting in vain’ as my anthem. Funny, yeah, totally funny. But this is how I would feel for it. How come you didn’t told me that you were already taken in the first place? How dare you hurt me so bad like this? I was kinda mad at you for doing that to me. Still, I have to forgive you for that because you’re my friend – my buddy (as what you’ve said). I know I have to stop thinking of you, but I can't. I just can't, it’s hard to do such thing. It’s a bit sordid to think of you all the time – 24/7. I’ve to stop. You’re already taken, I have to respect that. I’m not for you. Really not for you. How could I fall for such an angel like you? My feelings for you are just burning here inside my heart. Hurting me, making me sad. It made me wish that I shouldn’t have met you, but I know I shouldn’t. It was meant to be. And if it was meant to be, there’s a reason why we met - destiny. Or maybe our own free will. It’s just a forever feeling that would settle here in my heart. This would just make me cry.Thanks for the coffee we had last March 19, 2004. I think that would be our last time to see each other. Good luck. Love you friend. Peace.